DanLin.net

This has been around a few years but I just came across it today. It is probably the best tutorial/paraody on how to write code I’ve ever seen… At least for a dude. I’m sorry if I am a giant nerd who finds this funny albeit NSFW.

object me
{
    me.still_alive = true;
    main()
    {
        while(me.still_alive)
        {
            me.wake();
            me.pee();
            me.poop();
            me.eat(food);
            me.work();
            me.fuck(girl);
            me.readcl();
            me.sleep();
        }
    }
    function fuck(human girl)
    {
        if girl.isHot()
        {
            me.cock.fill(blood);
            me.statedOrgasmThreshold = 60 minutes;
            me.currentOrgasmState = 0 minutes;
            me.undress();
            if (girl.pussy.isExposed() & girl.pussy.isClean()) or (girl.pussy.isExposed() & me.horny())
            {
                while(girl.givesConsent())
                {
                    me.penetrate();
                    me.withdraw();
                    if (me.currentOrgasmState > me.statedOrgasmThreshold or me.currentOrgasmState > 10 minutes)
                    {
                        me.orgasm(goo);
                        me.scratchBalls();
                        me.ignore(girl);
                        me.eat(pizza);
                        me.drink(beer);
                        me.nap();
                    }
                    me.currentOrgasmState ++ 1 minute;
                }
                if not (girl.givesConsent())
                {
                    try
                    {
                        me.sweetTalk(girl);
                        me.buyStuffFor(girl);
                        me.ignore(girl);
                        me.smack(girl);
                    }
                    catch(exception e)
                    {
                        if e.message.contains(girl.screamingPunchingScratchingOutMyEyes())
                        {
                            me.runAway();
                        }
                    }
                }
            }
        }
        elseif girl.sucksGood()
        {
            me.proposeMarriage();
        }
    }
}

OK, I have been following this as close as everyone else here. Most people fundamentally don’t like the idea of Yahoo as a Microsoft company including myself. But financially it does make sense for Microsoft as they would finally hold the top honors in at least one if not two online services. MSN Messenger and Yahoo messenger would reign supreme over AIM and GTalk. The combined user base of Hotmail and Yahoo mail would pretty much give Microsoft access to every person who uses the Internet.

The most interested play is what would happen to search. Google has held the top honors for well over 5 years and uses their search as the center piece of their Don’t-be-evil empire. By combining MSN search and Yahoo search, they would shake up the search world but still come in at a distant, but closer second. Maybe Microsoft will have what it takes to kick Yahoo into gear and finally wake them up from their Terry Semel-induced slumber. As much as you’d like to hate Ballmer and company, they have been at the software game a lot longer than Semel and Yang combined. With the talent inside Yahoo and the management abilities from Microsoft, they can really give Google a run for their money. It seems to be a classic ‘whole is greater than the sum of the parts’ situation.

As of Monday Yahoo has rejected the $44 Billion offer. The valuation is pretty much built into the YHOO price at around $30 a share. If Microsoft counters with a higher offer the stock should see another boost north. If Microsoft takes the offer off of the table it would certainly send YHOO in a short term free fall. You’ve got to have a pretty good stomach if you are willing to wager in this game right now. Some say Yahoo is against the ropes and should have taken the offer as it stands as they don’t have other offers to leverage. However I think that Microsoft also has no other alternatives when it comes to an acquisition target. Neither AOL or IAC have resource that go as deep as Yahoo nor will they necessarily be open to being acquired. Microsoft will need to acquire both if not more companies to even get close to the kinds of valuable assets hidden within Yahoo.

In a parallel universe somewhere outside of this Galaxy, Yahoo has rejected the Microsoft offer and built itself back up as the Internet giant it once was on its own. Here on our planet, I think the writing is on the wall. The wall of a Yahoo company bathroom. It says, “For a good time , call Bill Steve at 1-800-MICROSOFT”.

Click here to read about the photo from above. Reported also at Valleywag.

If the title of this post rings a bell, you need to watch this video….

This reminds me that its time again to do taxes….

Ever since Amazon launched it Web Services products people have been raving about its power and flexibility as well as reasonable pricing. But it is not until now has it been easy and practical enough to use for individuals thanks to services like JungleDisk.

Here is the description of their service from their own Website:

* Store an unlimited amount of data for only 15¢ per gigabyte
* No monthly subscription fee, no startup fee, no commitment
* Your data is fully encrypted at all times
* Data is stored at multiple Amazon.com datacenters around the country for high availability
* Access files directly from Windows Explorer, Mac OSX Finder, and Linux
* Automatically back up your important files quickly and easily

A friend of mine turned me on to the service last week and I have been playing around with it for a couple of days. So far it has worked very well but it is certainly in beta status. It is essentially a front-end for Amazon’s S3 (Simple Storage Service) that makes the storage-in-a-cloud concept as transparent as possible. It literally looks like a local hard drive when it is connected. Locally cached files makes the file appear instantly on the drive while it works in the background to push it all up to Amazon’s servers without you sitting and waiting as in other services. Even if the computer crashes the service is smart enough to resume the upload when it reboots.

Where it shows as a beta product is in the feature set. Currently there is no easy way to map multiple drives using the same or different accounts. There are no privileges you can set for others to have limited access to your files or even make some of your files live on the internet via regular HTTP. Supposedly all of that will come in time at a fair price of a dollar a month or $20 a lifetime. Of course you will incur Amazon S3 charges for the storage and transfer fees but Jungle Disk isn’t seeing any of that.

Amazon S3 Pricing Structure

A typical scenario where this is extremely useful would be for someone who has a home computer as well as a work PC. You can map your Jungle Disk to both machines regardless where they are in the Internet. Files will appear in both locations just like magic. Or if you have a company with virtual employees across the world you can simply enable access to a Jungle Disk and suddenly everyone will be sharing and working on a network drive as if you are in the same network.

As a backup service it is not the cheapest around. Personally I will need close a terabyte of storage to backup my digital life and Amazon S3 will cost me around $150 a month whereas Mozy offers an unlimited backup service at $4.95/month. Where services like Mozy lacks is the transparency of file access.

I’ve been using it for just a couple of days and have been very impressed with the app. To access multiple Amazon accounts and S3 buckets I’ve even written a little script that allows me to ‘one-click’ swap between them. Let’s just hope Amazon hasn’t patented that as well…

Apparent Google Adsense thinks my Jaiku page is pretty gay. And by gay I mean blogging about horse breeding.